Scientists have finally worked out the effects of consuming red wine

In vino veritas

There is science that changes the world, and there is science that just makes the world a better place. Feedback would put a recent paper in PLoS One, “The power of Dionysus—Effects of red wine on consciousness in a naturalistic setting”, in this second category.

Rui Miguel Costa and his colleagues at the Institute of Applied Psychology in Lisbon got participants either singly, in a duo or as a group of six to consume two glasses of Quinta da Lapa Reserva Syrah 2018, “a silky full-bodied red wine from the Lisbon region with 14° of alcohol”, in a Lisbon wine bar. They were then asked to fill in a questionnaire probing changes in their state of consciousness.

Apologies to the sun-deprived for whom the word “Lisbon” may have appeared one or three too many times in that paragraph. We make no such apology for reporting the study’s results in detail. “Red wine increased pleasure and arousal, decreased the awareness of time, slowed the subjective passage of time, increased the attentional focus on the present moment, decreased body awareness, slowed thought speed, turned imagination more vivid, and made the environment become more fascinating,” the researchers found. “Red wine increased insightfulness and originality of thoughts, increased sensations of oneness with the environment, spiritual feelings, all-encompassing love, and profound peace. All changes in consciousness occurred regardless of volunteers drinking alone, in dyad or in group.”

“Does that mean red wine mystically gives you the effects of being drunk?” a colleague asks, possibly sardonically. We aren’t sure, as we are on deadline, and we have been doing what it takes to increase our attentional focus on the present moment.

One size fits all

Just as our imagination is turning more vivid, we encounter an article sent in by Michael Zehse about clothing brand Petit Pli. The brainchild of Ryan Mario Yasin, described as a former satellite engineer, the USP of this children’s clothing is that it expands to fit.

“Ryan used origami principles that engineers use to fold up satellites to help design items that could open up and fit children as they grow,” the article reports. “The items are so effective that they will fit a nine-month-old baby until they are four years old.”

A cracking idea, especially as apparently the process is reversible at will. We haven’t quite worked out yet how inflation and deflation works, but we like the idea of, for example, being able to inflate a child for added safety and security in a play area. We are slightly more concerned about the prospect of accidental activation either way. Mind you, we are sure they have cracked that one in space.

Feel the burn

Also innovative in the clothing department is the Craghoppers Dynamic 12000 jacket, for which Jem Moore spots an ad. Its “unique feature is the mesh lining made from six natural minerals”, it claims.

We would pay more for a mesh of unnatural mineral, say of unobtainium, but we’ll settle for the natural ones since they “reflect your body’s own infra-red rays”.

We think this is a fancy way of saying “keep you warm”. All in all, however, we are rather too taken with the idea of combining this with inflation and deflation technology. Do it fast enough and you could probably generate some pretty sizable Doppler shifts in the reflected radiation, perhaps turning your body heat into visible light, say. We haven’t done the maths yet, but we are sure this is right, as we enter a phase of profound peace and all-encompassing love.

Thickly spread

In which condition, we offer our belated congratulations to the state of Western Australia for launching its first satellite on 29 August. Propelled aboard a SpaceX Dragon spacecraft from NASA’s Kennedy Space Center in Florida towards the International Space Station, the satellite is described in an ABC news article forwarded to us by Brian Horton of (presumably fuming) Tasmania as “not much bigger than a vegemite sandwich”.

We have seen pictures of the cuboid satellite, and we can’t help thinking that is one thick vegemite sandwich. We understand the need to celebrate this giant leap for Western Australian spacefaring with a suitably patriotic measurement, but this one lands on our rapidly growing pile labelled “Suspect Units (Australia)”.

Elephant hunting

Many thanks to all of you who came forward with suggestions for how scientists in various disciplines would find an elephant, in the room or elsewhere (4 September). John Maybury suggests that physicists might like to build a hugely expensive Large Mammal Collider to try to make elephants from hippos, rhinos and the like.

In full sobriety, meanwhile, Peter Ashby opines: “As a Developmental Biologist I would detect an elephant by following it back into development. Only if it develops like an elephant can it be an elephant.”

Full sobriety is not where we are by now. That’s why we also include an old joke sent in by Natalie Roberts: “How do you hide an elephant? Paint its toenails red and stick it in a cherry tree.” We’ve had quite enough now, and we are sure you have too.

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